This Wall Street Journal writer grew up believing money talk was ‘vulgar’ — leaving her with a financial strategy of ‘hope and avoidance.’ Here’s what you can learn from her money mistakes

Stop avoiding, start acting

Roiphe’s not the only one who’s tempted to ghost her finances. For most of us, when something feels stressful, it’s way easier to shove it to the back burner and hope it magically sorts itself out.

“I would just leave the mail in a pile, as if not actually laying eyes on a bill would make it vanish. I have an active imagination, and I could almost wishfully think away a heating bill,” she wrote.

But pretending your bills don’t exist doesn’t make them disappear — it just racks up your debt.

In fact, U.S. household debt ballooned by $93 billion last quarter alone, hitting $18.04 trillion, according to the Federal Reserve Bank of New York’s latest Household Debt and Credit Report. Turns out, ignoring the problem just makes it worse.

For Roiphe, the financial wake-up call got even harsher during her divorce. She realized she had no savings, no benefits outside her ex-husband’s job and no financial safety net of her own.

It was a harsh lesson in what can happen when you lean too hard on old-school gender norms, or the idea that “there are certain aspects of life that men should take care of,” she wrote. But that kind of thinking can leave you exposed when life inevitably flips the script.

One smart move is to start having open, no-shame conversations with your partner about money. Whether it’s a monthly check-in when the bills roll in or bigger-picture chats about long-term goals, getting on the same page is key. And if your partner is more finance-savvy, don’t be afraid to learn from them.

Talk through tricky concepts, and grow together so you’re never left in the dark when it matters most.

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The awkward art of asking

Eventually, Roiphe began building real financial security for herself. She landed a steady job in higher education, and that monthly paycheck helped her support her daughter and son while navigating life in an expensive city — but stability didn’t mean fairness.

She soon found out her male colleagues at the university were earning significantly more than she was. And, it wasn’t because they were more qualified.

The real difference was “they asked for more money,” Roiphe wrote.

It sounds simple, but it’s a step many people skip — often out of fear, uncertainty or discomfort. And while confidence plays a big part, broader pay gaps still persist.

According to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics, women who worked full-time in 2023 earned 83.6% of what men earned in the same professions, highlighting a pay gap that negotiation alone can’t always close.

If you’re ready to boost your confidence and your paycheck, preparation is key. Start by making a solid case for yourself: gather salary data, list your accomplishments and be clear on exactly what you’re asking for. Then practice saying it out loud — whether to a friend, your mirror or even your dog — so it feels second nature when the time comes.

Finally, don’t wait for your annual review to make your value known. Set up regular check-ins with your manager to keep the conversation going and make sure your contributions stay top of mind.

At the end of the day, financial confidence isn’t something you’re born with — it’s built, one bold step at a time.